Funny Stories

Humor Is Always In The Eye Of The Beholder

Bill ClaywellWhat began as a joke became a small act of defiance.

As we sat in sophomore high school English a classmate, positioned one aisle over and one seat up, discovering his chair squeaked with the slightest of movement serenaded us with its high-pitched squeal.

It was all we could hear as the teacher droned on about grammar, literature or whatever you learn in sophomore English.

The squeak became a battle of wills. Like a true detective the teacher, abandoning the task at hand, isolated the sound and the chair, becoming obsessed with catching the miscreant in the very act of noisemaking. But the movement was indiscernible.

Whoever (or was it whomever) is making that noise, please stop now, the teacher said.

The teacher repeated the phrase several times, until one student, not known for his academic skill, seized the day by exiting the class — saying the noise was driving him crazy.

Despite being unable to catch him in the act, the teacher asked the prankster to leave, restoring the class to its squeak-free state.

My cousin and I, teenagers filled with more energy than intelligence, decided the most logical way to rid ourselves of our surplus fireworks, left over from a week-long series of setting them off in obscure places during church camp, was to ignite the whole brick at once – about 2,000 firecrackers – on my enclosed back porch.

Building on our previous experience of lighting them, and then casually walking away, they were exploding as I sat comfortably on the living room couch. My cousin, though, did not make it to relative safety of the living room. He was walking through the hallway when my father arrived on the scene – angry after being rudely jarred from his Sunday afternoon nap.

It was one of the few times I saw my father angry — not irritated, but truly angry.

As a Korean War veteran, the sound of the firecrackers, sounding like machine gun fire in his sleep-like state, meant the joke had gone too far. It forced my father to reenter and relive a dark time in his life.

But, in his rage, new knowledge was instilled in me: Humor is best understood through the eyes of the victim.

Categories: blogging university, Funny Stories, Humor, laughter, writing prompts | Tags: , ,

Does GOP Presidential Candidate’s Porn Star Gaffe Hint At A Hidden Truth?

As the old saying goes, you just can’t make this stuff up.

With the race to the presidential primaries heading into the final lap, two GOP stars — intent on undermining each other — fumbled this week. The first was Marco Rubio. This rising GOP star, who does not have time to be bothered with his duly-elected day job, has spent years modeling the skills of the greatest GOP president, Ronald Reagan. Reagan knew the key to electability in the TV age is being able to read off a teleprompter skillfully, empathically and with conviction.

Rubio, though, has removed the need for the teleprompter.

But, in the recent GOP debate, his repetitive responses prompted Twitter users to conclude that maybe the robot glitched and needed to be repaired.

It’s not the first time the ‘I want to be president’ candidate has struggled with looking presidential on camera. But in Saturday’s debate, Rubio repeated lines so many times that GOP comrade, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, openly mocked the presidential contender.

More Than A Pretty Face

Not to be outdone by his nemesis, perennial outsider and Canadian-born Ted Cruz, bested Rubio for Gaffe of the Week.

Since Cruz’ team felt it was time to get the negative ads flowing more steadily, they launched a short online clip to undermine Rubio. Unfortunately for Cruz, his staff did not vet the actress who delivers the ad’s punchline.

The clip takes place in a fictional support group for voters dealing with an unnamed politician’s lies (Marco Rubio). One poor sap tell the support group that he voted for a Tea Party leader only to have that politician broker a deal in D.C. after being elected. The camera then zeroes in on a female member (Amy Lindsay) who sympathetically advises the man,

Maybe you should vote for more than just a pretty face next time.

Is Everyone Watching?

The clip, designed to exploit the belief that everyone is politics is a liar (except Cruz, of course), inadvertently gave a thumps-up to porn. This proved somewhat problematic for Cruz, who espouses Christian beliefs, so he pulled down the ad. As far as the actress, she originally stated that Cruz’ campaign team knew of her film history, but later recanted.

I have clearly talked to the filmmakers and stuff and just to be clear, I assumed that they knew but none of the filmmakers or the casting director knew about my complete filmography in the past that you’re talking about, so I was wrong in that statement, she was quoted as saying.

But the real mistake for Cruz may have been in not using a better-known adult film star.

Although many of Cruz’s followers vocally oppose the industry, the $10 billion porn industry has a significant numbers of viewers in conservative pockets of the country. In fact, online searches for porn in GOP-leaning states consistently outpace the number of searches in non-conservative areas.

my-hometownMy Hometown: An Outsider’s View From Inside Boehner’s Congressional District

For 25 years one of the most powerful GOP leaders, former Speaker of the House John Boehner, was my Congressman. In My Hometown, I blend statistic evidence with personal stories as I seek to understand how my hometown descended from the thriving community of my childhood to an impoverished area dealing with a heroin epidemic. The eBook opens with the story of William Bruce, the man who founded Eaton, Ohio, and compares Bruce’s concepts of government and community to the methods believed and practiced today.

Categories: Funny Stories, Politics

Ohio Man On Lam Sends Cops Updated Selfie

I’ve never taken a good photograph for my driver’s license, so I do understand how a poorly photographed moment can mar a person’s long term appearance.

But, I’ve always accepted it as one of the many expenses associated with driving a vehicle.

Recently, though, an Ohio man apparently decided that image is everything and when a police department posted his less than flattering mugshot the man on the run decided they needed an updated photo.

According to The Washington Post, after 45-year-old Donald “Chip” Pugh, wanted by the Lima Police Department on a Failure to Appear warrant, saw his mugshot online he submitted a selfie with a note that read, “Here is a better photo that one is terrible.” Lima police promptly posted the new image on their Facebook page with a note that read,

“We thank him for being helpful, but now we would appreciate it if he would come speak to us at the LPD about his charges.”

Pugh then was heard on a local radio station playing up how the police ‘did him wrong’ by posting the unflattering mugshot — even joking with the DJs about his exact location.

It all backfired, of course, Pugh was arrested the following day in Florida. The arresting department added a new mugshot with the caption,

“How’s this photo Donald Pugh? #thanksfortheselfie”

Categories: Funny Stories, Humor