Funny Stories

Curse-Word Map Pushes Parental Indiscretion Top Of Mind

Posted on January 5, 2016 by CharlieClaywell

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Curse words. Love ’em or hate ’em, they’re an integral part of any language. Some people are quite adept at the art of cursing, while others, like Captain Kirk of Star Trek fame, struggle.

I recently came across a study (below) which details which colorful metaphor is preferred in each section of our country. Since I try to keep this blog PG-13, be advised the study contains the F-Word (and the S-Word, the H-Word, etc.). I say it that way because when my daughter, Molly, was about six or seven we went on vacation at Topsail Island, North Carolina. While on the trip, we took a cruise up the Intracoastal Waterway — a river that divides Topsail Island from the mainland.

It was a sunset cruise and we were all enjoying the view, when I overheard Molly telling a stranger’s 6 or 7 year-old daughter, that she knew the F-Word, the S-Word, the D-Word and the H-Word.

I blamed my wife for the indiscretion, but to be fair the D-word was all mine. When Molly was two or three, something went amiss in her world and she exclaimed — dammit!

“Who’d you hear using that word,” I asked irritated.

“You,” she said.

Defending A Dialect

In my early 20s, I visited the east coast (in the dead of winter — what was I thinking) and visited Boston (again what was I thinking) with a friend. When we became lost, we stopped a man on a sidewalk to get directions. The man spoke with a heavy Boston accent and he loved the F-Word. He used it liberally, sprinkling it throughout the conversation with complete abandon — punctuating every minor point with a F-Bomb.

Finally, my friend, who was driving, decided enough was enough. He told the slightly drunk man, who was having a very difficult time supplying us with clear directions, that we had to be going.

“Besides,” my friend added, “I don’t really appreciate the way you talk.”

“We’ve been talking this way for over two hundred *f!$#!* years,” the man said.

Well, based on the curse-word map — he may have been right (although maybe he was referring to his accent).

Click here to learn which curse words are most popular in your region.

Categories: American History, Funny Stories

Ohio Judge’s Unusual Tactics Reduce Repeat Offender Rate

Posted on September 8, 2015 by CharlieClaywell

cicconetti-honorable-michael-aIn the United States, two lines of reasoning for dealing with criminal behavior has existed since the country was created. On one side are those that believe in the Old Testament edict of an ‘eye for an eye’ and on the other side, the idea that behavior can be modified (which some call liberal, others call Christ-like).

But an Ohio judge gives individuals in his court the option to choose between the two approaches. The deal: jail time or a punishment, the judge feels, is more in line with the crime. His tactics, although unusual, have worked since the percentage of repeat offenders in his court is 10 percent compared to a national average that is as high as 75 percent.

Walk or Jail Time?

For one teen woman, it meant choosing between 30 days in jail for stiffing a cab driver or walking 30 miles (she chose to walk). And for a woman who left her dog alone for a week inside a home overfilled with junk, the choice was 90 days in jail or 8 hours at the county dump picking up trash (she took the latter).

In an era where it is simpler to ‘follow the law,’ and hand down the acceptable sentence, the tactics of Painesville Municipal Court Judge Michael Cicconetti are definitely unusual. But, in an interview with ABC, Cicconetti explains why he takes such an unorthodox approach to sentencing,

When you talk about state prisons and federal prisons, their problem started way back here with my court, with municipal courts, with the minor offenses. Most people don’t start out with a felony case. It starts small, and it gets bigger, so my whole train of thought here is that we have to stop them or prevent them — that conduct — from going further at the beginning stages. They get in jail. They get smarter criminally, and as they get smarter criminally, the offenses become greater.

Painesville is a city of about 20,000 located northeast of Cleveland. You can view the ABC interview below:

Categories: Americans Who Got It Right, Funny Stories, Good News, Ohio | Tags: , , , ,

Funny Friday: Ohio Judge Fines Self For Contempt

Posted on August 21, 2015 by CharlieClaywell

ohio-judgeWhen reading the news this week, there were lots of stories about politics, forbidden love, and even where Ohio can — or cannot — buy the drug used in state executions. But all of those stories can be a little too much at times — and depressing.

So, it’s kind of refreshing when a lighthearted story comes along like this one from Hillsboro, Ohio a small town about an hour east of Cincinnati. The Common Pleas judge for Hillsboro — Rocky Coss — has a strict ‘turn off your cell phones before you come into my courtroom’ rule. Earlier this week, while court was in session, Coss’ ringtone went off.

After his phone rang, Coss did what he would do to anyone breaking his rule: He gave himself a stern talking to, found himself in contempt of court, and ordered himself to pay the $25 fine.

Coss wrote about the mishap in his local paper and concluded his article by saying,

You never know what fun event life will bring especially to the attorneys present during the hearing. I am contemplating having the Bailiff search me before I go into court to avoid being a repeat offender. We have never had a repeat offender on the cell phone violation and I certainly do not want to be the first in that category.

So who had such pressing business that they needed to talk with the judge during a court session?

His wife.

You can watch a video clip about the incident here.

Categories: Funny Stories | Tags: ,